When To Forgive and When To Forget...

We all hear time and time again, that we need to learn to "forgive and forget", but there are some things that we just can't forgive, or we can forgive and not forget. When this happens, the best thing you can do is walk away. If you know you can't forgive AND forget, then forget the person.

 Forgiving and forgetting someone about something they did should come from your heart not your head. To be honest, if you use your head on this particular situation, your are most likely going to make the wrong decision. The best tricks are played on the mind not the heart. Now, depending on the situation, your chemistry, and your past, determines whether your heart will answer this question.

For example, one of my closest friends, cheated on her boyfriend. She begged him to forgive her and take her back. So he did, and she spent a very long time trying to prove to him that she would never do it again. Even when the times came that would be the ultimate moment to prove herself right, he would not believe her and just bring up what she did. The only thing she ever got out of trying to prove herself to him, was argument after argument, and bad memories brought back. -- In this situation the best thing to do is walk away. Because no matter how many times he said he forgave her and he trusted her and that he could forget about that, it was never fully forgave, and fully forgotten.

Also when it comes to lying, honesty is a big factor in any relationship. Now, lies can be forgotten and the person can be forgiven for lying. Which is the tricky part and kind of contradicts my advice. HOWEVER, when you have forgiven and forgotten time and time again, there needs to be a stopping point. You know, the three strikes your out. No matter your feelings for this person, and no matter how much they say they will stop, you need to walk away. Someone who is a compulsive liar, or a pathological liar, or even someone who just tells a little white lie every now and then, they can't stop lying. It's part of who they are and no matter how hard they try and change, it is highly unlikely that they will.

I will say that when you have been together for a while and haven't had any cheating, or lying going on, and all of a sudden they slip up with a little lie about something small. It is okay to forgive them and forget it. Or if you have ever been the cheater and you knew you could never do it again. Think about how bad you wanted that forgiveness and for them to forget. If your heart tells you that it's the right thing to do to forgive and forget, do it. Because maybe they really do need it. Maybe they are telling the truth, about changing. Listening to your heart is a main key to that. But you need to make it a point that they better not do it again.

No one can really tell you when you should, it comes from you. Look at the way they are acting. Just because they are crying and saying sorry, doesn't always mean they won't do it again. Listen to what they are saying, and when you feel like they have made a good point about it, you know they mean it. "I love you and I'm sorry" isn't always good enough.