When To Forgive and When To Forget...

We all hear time and time again, that we need to learn to "forgive and forget", but there are some things that we just can't forgive, or we can forgive and not forget. When this happens, the best thing you can do is walk away. If you know you can't forgive AND forget, then forget the person.

 Forgiving and forgetting someone about something they did should come from your heart not your head. To be honest, if you use your head on this particular situation, your are most likely going to make the wrong decision. The best tricks are played on the mind not the heart. Now, depending on the situation, your chemistry, and your past, determines whether your heart will answer this question.

For example, one of my closest friends, cheated on her boyfriend. She begged him to forgive her and take her back. So he did, and she spent a very long time trying to prove to him that she would never do it again. Even when the times came that would be the ultimate moment to prove herself right, he would not believe her and just bring up what she did. The only thing she ever got out of trying to prove herself to him, was argument after argument, and bad memories brought back. -- In this situation the best thing to do is walk away. Because no matter how many times he said he forgave her and he trusted her and that he could forget about that, it was never fully forgave, and fully forgotten.

Also when it comes to lying, honesty is a big factor in any relationship. Now, lies can be forgotten and the person can be forgiven for lying. Which is the tricky part and kind of contradicts my advice. HOWEVER, when you have forgiven and forgotten time and time again, there needs to be a stopping point. You know, the three strikes your out. No matter your feelings for this person, and no matter how much they say they will stop, you need to walk away. Someone who is a compulsive liar, or a pathological liar, or even someone who just tells a little white lie every now and then, they can't stop lying. It's part of who they are and no matter how hard they try and change, it is highly unlikely that they will.

I will say that when you have been together for a while and haven't had any cheating, or lying going on, and all of a sudden they slip up with a little lie about something small. It is okay to forgive them and forget it. Or if you have ever been the cheater and you knew you could never do it again. Think about how bad you wanted that forgiveness and for them to forget. If your heart tells you that it's the right thing to do to forgive and forget, do it. Because maybe they really do need it. Maybe they are telling the truth, about changing. Listening to your heart is a main key to that. But you need to make it a point that they better not do it again.

No one can really tell you when you should, it comes from you. Look at the way they are acting. Just because they are crying and saying sorry, doesn't always mean they won't do it again. Listen to what they are saying, and when you feel like they have made a good point about it, you know they mean it. "I love you and I'm sorry" isn't always good enough.

Marriage and Divorce.

   I'm not sure exactly how many of you go to church, or that any of my readers believe in God. But today, when I was at church, what the father was talking about made me think and it made a lot of sense. I don't mean to offend anyone by this at all. But we were talking about marriage and divorce. That one of the main reasons that people will get a divorce, is because they put themselves before God. Way back in the day, before time, when people got married, the way it was made was that God comes first, then man, then woman. Our society now doesn't see it that way.

Mark 10: 2-9
"The Pharisees approached and asked, 'Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?' They were testing him. He said to them in reply, 'What did Moses command you?' They replied, 'Moses permitted him to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.' But Jesus told them, 'Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, "God made them male, and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and he joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh."

See God came first, then male, then the female. When two people who get married put God first, they are most likely to have a long, strong and healthy marriage. You can't be selfish and put all your stress and negativity first, and put Him last. Then you are only destined for failure. He never says you will have a perfect marriage, because there is no such thing. But putting him first will make it a better one.

The way the Father at my church explained it. When two people get married, and they put God first, they see no shame. They stand there, naked in front of each other and say "WOW! This is me", because they have become one. 50 years down the road, they are still married and still put God first, they still say, "WOW! This is me."

When you go to a restaurant and you see an old couple that looks like they have been married for 50+ years. You see them, and they are sitting on the same side of the table, eating the same hamburger, and all of a sudden you hear one ask, "Can I borrow your teeth". That is a marriage that has God first, that is true love. And that my friends is what marriage is all about.

The Sexiest Thing A Woman Can Wear...

Self Confidence and a smile are absolutely the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Guys love a woman with confidence, and showing that you are always happy makes other women jealous. Make them want your life. Nothing matters when guys want you, and girls hate you! :)

Distance Is Just A Word...

   I'm not sure how many of you think that long distance relationships don't work. What I do know is that there are a lot of you who believe that. I'll admit at one point I did too. Until I figured something out. A long distance relationship is a test. A test of your faithfulness, a test of honesty, a test for trust. Being honest and faithful to that person, while being so far away, with bad temptations. Trusting that you are still going to be happy when you see them.

   My personal opinion, can make or break a relationship. Either it can keep two people interested in each other. Knowing that you only get to see that person for a short amount of time, you make the best of it. Hiding any negativity, just to make each other happy. Or it can break a relationship. Two people who get tired of not being able to see the other everyday. That is more of the people who really don't want a commitment. If that's the case then you shouldn't waste their time in the first place. The moment you figure out that you would rather party and be your own person, you should stop wasting your boy/girl- friends time.

  However, for those of you who don't believe that long distance relationships work, I  want you to think about something. Think about EVERY woman, and EVERY man who is married into military. They chose a long distance relationship. Choosing to be able to not see their spouse for possibly a year or more at a time, only seeing them under special circumstances, and only being able to see them for a VERY short amount of time. Not even knowing if their spouse will ever return. I want you to think about it, and think really hard. These men and women, they had a choice. To live the life they are in or to get out. Guess what, every single one of them believes that a long distance relationship does work. They believe that every time their spouse leaves, they will return. Although not all of them are fortunate enough. They still believe. They believe that when they return, they will stay for longer than a week, or a month, and they savor every moment of every day they have with that person.

   I hope that opens your minds about something you thought you didn't believe in.

   I support our troops, and I believe that they will come back to their families.

   I also want to let every man and woman that has chosen the life you have being married to a soldier, that you all are soldiers as well, and you all are very brave. Brave for marrying a soldier and brave for supporting their decisions in staying a soldier.

Today's moment of Zen...

 
 This is for all of you out there who care way too much about what other people think of you. The decisions that you make are the ones that you make for YOU. Whenever you make a decision, and someone decides to criticize it, think to yourself, "You're opinion wasn't going through my head when i made the decision, and I don't need it now!" You are never going to be able to satisfy everyone, and the only one whose opinion matters is yours. Don't get caught up in trying to impress everyone else. All you get out of that is disappointment. Prove to them that you are happy with the way you are. Show them that if they don't like the decisions that you make, then you don't need them in your life.

   To be honest, that's how you find out who your real friends are. Your real friends support EVERY decision that you make, no matter what they think of it.

Don't cheat yourself... love yourself!

The "Write" Words

   We spend so much time thinking so hard, to find the right words to say to someone, that by the time we find them it's too late. When really the right words were the ones we think are wrong. 

   When put in the situation when you have to tell someone something that comes from the heart. Those words actually come from your heart. It's the first thing that pops into your head when the question is asked. It's not so much the words that we need to find when saying it, because we already know the answer. It's finding the courage to speak from your heart. Most of us can think of exactly what to say, but when we open our mouths, it's like we've become mute. My personal suggestion, write it down. Anything you want to say you can write down. It's a lot easier than looking that person in eyes and accidentally saying the wrong thing, or saying it in a fashion that they take the wrong way. When you write how you feel down, you have the ability to change anything you want. To make it say exactly how you want to say it. You can write it, then delete it. And when you think it's exactly the way you want it remember it or give it to the person you wrote it for. 

   The right words are usually the words you left unsaid.

What You Can Do While She's Pregnant

  This post is for a personal, good friend of mine. However, I know there are quite a few gentlemen out there who don't exactly know how to handle this situation. So here are a few tips.

  First of all, let me warn you that because she is pregnant, her hormones are all over the place. One minute she can be the happiest person in the world, and the next, she will probably want to choke you for no apparent reason. So please don't take anything she says to heart. It's not like when a person is drunk and "the truth comes out". She is perfectly sane and she knows what she is saying. She is scared, especially if this is her first child. The best thing for you to do, is change the subject. Make her talk about something that makes her happy. The worst thing you could do is get mad at her for being mad at you. All that does is cause an argument, because she doesn't think she is being mean. The yelling and stress of an argument is very bad for her and the baby. Too much stress can lead to a premature birth.

  Always make sure she is comfortable. When you get uncomfortable, you tend to get a little grouchy right? Well she is uncomfortable and pregnant. Just make sure she has a pillow behind her, her back will hurt after standing up all day with what seems like a hundred pound basketball connected to her torso. Tell her to sit down, prop her up with some pillows, cook her dinner, (it won't hurt for the man to be in the kitchen for once), and give her a good foot rub after dinner.

Another this is don't let her gain too much weight while she is prego. She will blame the baby for the rest of it's life, she will blame you for giving in to her wanting McDonald's every time, and she will spend a very long time unhappy because she has gained weight. So ask her to go for a walk with you every other day/night. When you go grocery shopping make sure you get fruits, and low calorie snacks for her to munch on.
http://www.babycenter.com/healthy-pregnancy-grocery-list << here's a link to find some of the things pregnant women should eat. Now, I'm not saying she cant have anything sweet, or anything fat, she can. She just can't have too much of it, and the WORST thing you can do while she is eating healthy is to be eating junk food all the time in front of her.

MY CHALLENGE TO YOU MEN: Cook a healthy dinner that looks good at least 5/6 nights out of the week, don't tell her it's healthy, that's an insult. But eat it with her. That way you are both working on a healthy diet and she is not thinking you are only making her eat it so she doesn't get fat. Afterwards, give her a good foot rub, or a neck rub. Do something that makes her feel comfortable.

By following my advice about this, she will see how much you are trying to help. She can never say that you didn't do anything while she was prego, and she will feel less stressed knowing that you don't plan on leaving. Proving that you are willing to help her in any way possible, she can never call you a dead beat dad! That makes you a real MAN!

Why Are Relationships So Difficult?

   Well a relationship is when two people come together as one. A lot of people, especially in the beginning, two people who are supposed to be as one, still think of themselves as an individual. This happens most often with younger couples. They think, "oh hey, I'm on my own, I don't have to ask for permission, I can do what I want." Well sorry to bust your bubble, but it's not so much of having to ask for permission, but you do have to mention where you are going. That way your S.O. knows where you are in case something happens. Just like when you lived at home with your parents. It's also a good idea, as far as them trusting you they know that you are telling the truth about where you are going, but they also know that they can trust you enough to know nothing is going to happen. 

   Another thing is, when it comes to visiting your family. In some relationships, the couples find themselves visiting one family more than the other. Well compromising is always a good thing when it comes to this, along with other things. Pick one day out of each week that you go see your family and pick one day that you go see their family. It's only fair right... You can't do more for yourself than you do for the other, and you cant let the other do more for their self than they do for you. It has to be EQUAL. 

   Also, don't ever tell your S.O. that they can not do something. They picked you to be their significant other because you are their best friend. If they have a dream, or a goal, help them reach it. Don't ever tell them that they can't do something. If they want to go to school, let them. Not only will it better them, but it will better your relationship in the long run. If they want to lose weight, help them. Because the more you eat junk food in front of them, the harder it is for them to quit eating it. Not only will helping them lose weight better their life and their body, but by you helping, you are bettering yours too. If they want to be a singer, and they suck at singing, help them to take voice lessons. Help your best friend with what ever it is because in some way it will benefit you. Also they can never say that you don't ever help them with anything. 

My point is, compromise, and support are things that make a relationship work. There are other things but we will come to those on a later date, or else I wouldn't have anything to write about!