Commitment

  These days commitment is a big issue in relationships. Whether it be because you are scared of spending the rest of your life with the same person or because you don't care about someones feelings enough to commit. There is a reason for it. However, one reason why people are scared to commit now, is because people jump into things so fast. You meet someone, talk a few weeks, have sex, and either one person wants to be together and convinces you  to do the same, or one of you gets pregnant, and you start trying to work things out.

  Well let me tell you guys something, you can't expect someone you just met to fall in love with you overnight, and you can't rush things too fast. You have to take your time, besides, we have nothing but it. What people now days really don't understand is that when two people are "talking" you are nonexclusive. Which means that you are able to talk to other people. Now, a lot of people get this confused with cheating. DON'T. Cheating is when two people are together exclusively and one goes and "messes around" with another person of interest. When you are talking, give the person some freedom, go out on dates, hang out, just talk. Don't overwhelm them with the pressure of a commitment. If you give them the freedom that they need, they will choose to make the commitment on their own.

  Now, if you are the person who is being overwhelmed with commitment too soon, don't panic, and don't give in. If you panic, you will hurt their feelings, and if you give in your only going to cause them pain down the road. What you do is you is, you sit them down and let them know that you are not ready for a commitment at the moment. If you tell them straight up they are more likely not to hate you and you still have a chance, and you also still have your freedom of talking to everyone.

But not everyone remembers to do this, or even thinks about it, there are still going to be a lot of hearts broken because of commitment. Just remember that when you are with someone, you are committed that person should be the only person getting your attention.

We Dream Too Much

This is a poem I wrote. Let me know what you guys think in the comment box below. :)

You're here,
While he's there
You see nothing,
But time pass by.

All you want
Is to see his face,
Hear his voice,
To feel his touch.

You try to care,
You try to love,
But sometimes we dream too much.

As you sit here,
And he sits there,
You wonder if
You're on his mind.

All you ask
Is reassurance
Three small words
To show he cares.

You text and call
No reply...
But sometimes we dream too much.

You stay strong,
Always positive,
But there's still
A little doubt in your mind.

You wonder if
He even cares.
Then think,
If he did, he'd call

Just three small words
Are all you ask
But sometimes we dream too much.

You feel as though
You try too hard,
As if maybe
You should back off

Maybe, you think
He'll come around.
Perhaps he misses you
As much as you do him

But sometimes we dream too much.

Should We or Shouldn't We? For The Kids...

   I know there are a few younger couples, some I know personally that need to read this. However, this also goes for the older couples and for those of you I don't know personally. People are always asking me "What do I do?" The situation being, you and your partner have a kid(s) together, but the two of you are just not happy anymore. You find yourselves asking each other, "Should we stay together for the kids?"

   I always tell everyone who asks me this, If you think you can work it out, if it's something that can be fixed, then yes, stay together for the kids. But I personally think that two people who are truly unhappy should not be together. Because no matter what, if you stay together or you break up, it will effect your kids. Mentally and emotionally. Like I said if you can fix it and look past it, for your kids sake, please try to work it out.

  If you stay together and don't work it out, all the kids will hear is constant arguing, and they will grow up thinking that arguing and sucking up being together for the kids is okay. Well it's not. But if you split up, most parents go through a nasty divorce trying to fight for custody of the kids. Both of these situations will mentally and emotionally hurt your kids. Your  kids will grow up, and be scared to get married and have kids of their own. So as they say, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" right?

  If the situation is that you need to split up or get divorced, be civilized adults. Don't make each others lives hell trying to fight for the custody of the kids. Kids growing up without their parents together will still hurt them, but a lot less than watching them hate each other for 18 years. You need to TALK to each other in a civilized manner about who should have custody. Which parent can provide a better lifestyle for the kids. Remember just because your kids don't live with you doesn't mean that they will not love you or know that you love them. To be honest, if you do it in a civilized manner your kids will grow up and know that you did it for their happiness. And no matter what, they will know that you did it, because you love them. It's not about who is a better parent, but who is a better provider.

  Every parent wants their kids to grow up and be successful, but happy most importantly. Every parent wants their kid to grow up and follow their dreams. Most parents push their kids to follow their dreams. But why can't parents push their kids to make the right decisions in relationships, for their happiness. Teach your kids that it's okay to work things out. That sometimes it's okay to forgive and forget. Let them know that even in the worst situations, things will play out the way they should be.

  Honestly, I think that is what is wrong with society. No one has a problem letting their learn what sex is, or how to make bad decisions and learn from them. But no one teaches their kids how to be responsible for their decisions. Society has made it so easy to get divorced, and people are having kids without marriage. People would rather make a baby, than wear a condom or use birth control. There are so many families that are broken up because they were are not responsible enough to take care of their priorities, and kids are growing up learning that it's okay to do so.

  So please by all means if you can fix the problem, please do so. If you can't, be civilized about the situation. Don't punish your kids for your mistakes. Don't torment your kids, because you think it's better for them if you stay together. Make a decision.

When To Forgive and When To Forget...

We all hear time and time again, that we need to learn to "forgive and forget", but there are some things that we just can't forgive, or we can forgive and not forget. When this happens, the best thing you can do is walk away. If you know you can't forgive AND forget, then forget the person.

 Forgiving and forgetting someone about something they did should come from your heart not your head. To be honest, if you use your head on this particular situation, your are most likely going to make the wrong decision. The best tricks are played on the mind not the heart. Now, depending on the situation, your chemistry, and your past, determines whether your heart will answer this question.

For example, one of my closest friends, cheated on her boyfriend. She begged him to forgive her and take her back. So he did, and she spent a very long time trying to prove to him that she would never do it again. Even when the times came that would be the ultimate moment to prove herself right, he would not believe her and just bring up what she did. The only thing she ever got out of trying to prove herself to him, was argument after argument, and bad memories brought back. -- In this situation the best thing to do is walk away. Because no matter how many times he said he forgave her and he trusted her and that he could forget about that, it was never fully forgave, and fully forgotten.

Also when it comes to lying, honesty is a big factor in any relationship. Now, lies can be forgotten and the person can be forgiven for lying. Which is the tricky part and kind of contradicts my advice. HOWEVER, when you have forgiven and forgotten time and time again, there needs to be a stopping point. You know, the three strikes your out. No matter your feelings for this person, and no matter how much they say they will stop, you need to walk away. Someone who is a compulsive liar, or a pathological liar, or even someone who just tells a little white lie every now and then, they can't stop lying. It's part of who they are and no matter how hard they try and change, it is highly unlikely that they will.

I will say that when you have been together for a while and haven't had any cheating, or lying going on, and all of a sudden they slip up with a little lie about something small. It is okay to forgive them and forget it. Or if you have ever been the cheater and you knew you could never do it again. Think about how bad you wanted that forgiveness and for them to forget. If your heart tells you that it's the right thing to do to forgive and forget, do it. Because maybe they really do need it. Maybe they are telling the truth, about changing. Listening to your heart is a main key to that. But you need to make it a point that they better not do it again.

No one can really tell you when you should, it comes from you. Look at the way they are acting. Just because they are crying and saying sorry, doesn't always mean they won't do it again. Listen to what they are saying, and when you feel like they have made a good point about it, you know they mean it. "I love you and I'm sorry" isn't always good enough.

Marriage and Divorce.

   I'm not sure exactly how many of you go to church, or that any of my readers believe in God. But today, when I was at church, what the father was talking about made me think and it made a lot of sense. I don't mean to offend anyone by this at all. But we were talking about marriage and divorce. That one of the main reasons that people will get a divorce, is because they put themselves before God. Way back in the day, before time, when people got married, the way it was made was that God comes first, then man, then woman. Our society now doesn't see it that way.

Mark 10: 2-9
"The Pharisees approached and asked, 'Is it lawful for a husband to divorce his wife?' They were testing him. He said to them in reply, 'What did Moses command you?' They replied, 'Moses permitted him to write a bill of divorce and dismiss her.' But Jesus told them, 'Because of the hardness of your hearts he wrote you this commandment. But from the beginning of creation, "God made them male, and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and he joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one flesh."

See God came first, then male, then the female. When two people who get married put God first, they are most likely to have a long, strong and healthy marriage. You can't be selfish and put all your stress and negativity first, and put Him last. Then you are only destined for failure. He never says you will have a perfect marriage, because there is no such thing. But putting him first will make it a better one.

The way the Father at my church explained it. When two people get married, and they put God first, they see no shame. They stand there, naked in front of each other and say "WOW! This is me", because they have become one. 50 years down the road, they are still married and still put God first, they still say, "WOW! This is me."

When you go to a restaurant and you see an old couple that looks like they have been married for 50+ years. You see them, and they are sitting on the same side of the table, eating the same hamburger, and all of a sudden you hear one ask, "Can I borrow your teeth". That is a marriage that has God first, that is true love. And that my friends is what marriage is all about.

The Sexiest Thing A Woman Can Wear...

Self Confidence and a smile are absolutely the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Guys love a woman with confidence, and showing that you are always happy makes other women jealous. Make them want your life. Nothing matters when guys want you, and girls hate you! :)

Distance Is Just A Word...

   I'm not sure how many of you think that long distance relationships don't work. What I do know is that there are a lot of you who believe that. I'll admit at one point I did too. Until I figured something out. A long distance relationship is a test. A test of your faithfulness, a test of honesty, a test for trust. Being honest and faithful to that person, while being so far away, with bad temptations. Trusting that you are still going to be happy when you see them.

   My personal opinion, can make or break a relationship. Either it can keep two people interested in each other. Knowing that you only get to see that person for a short amount of time, you make the best of it. Hiding any negativity, just to make each other happy. Or it can break a relationship. Two people who get tired of not being able to see the other everyday. That is more of the people who really don't want a commitment. If that's the case then you shouldn't waste their time in the first place. The moment you figure out that you would rather party and be your own person, you should stop wasting your boy/girl- friends time.

  However, for those of you who don't believe that long distance relationships work, I  want you to think about something. Think about EVERY woman, and EVERY man who is married into military. They chose a long distance relationship. Choosing to be able to not see their spouse for possibly a year or more at a time, only seeing them under special circumstances, and only being able to see them for a VERY short amount of time. Not even knowing if their spouse will ever return. I want you to think about it, and think really hard. These men and women, they had a choice. To live the life they are in or to get out. Guess what, every single one of them believes that a long distance relationship does work. They believe that every time their spouse leaves, they will return. Although not all of them are fortunate enough. They still believe. They believe that when they return, they will stay for longer than a week, or a month, and they savor every moment of every day they have with that person.

   I hope that opens your minds about something you thought you didn't believe in.

   I support our troops, and I believe that they will come back to their families.

   I also want to let every man and woman that has chosen the life you have being married to a soldier, that you all are soldiers as well, and you all are very brave. Brave for marrying a soldier and brave for supporting their decisions in staying a soldier.